Although my birthday wasn't as awful as I feared (mainly due to a skype session and some other really wonderful and supportive friends), yesterday...was....devastating. Merlin is finally free of pain and disease, and has gone to join my mom, Rowan, Jinx and Rajah.

Before you say or thinks "Awww, he was just a cat" please read the following......

Technically, he came to us as Merlin the second, as I had accidentally ran over my daughter's kitten. So when we could finally get another cat, the first thing she wanted was another black cat. Feeling guilty, of course, that was the last thing I wanted to go looking for. But when we went to the free kitten place in the city we were living in, there was only one kitten, and yeah, black. Wanting only a male cat at the time, I said, "well, if its a girl, the answer is no." Of course, this was not the way the wheel turns, and the kitten was male. That was it as far as my daughter was concerned and after a lot of debate, laced with "Well, we can look elsewhere" I was warn down, and Merlin came home with us. My daughters were ecstatic.

While he loved us all, it was apparent from the beginning, while we humans may have been his devoted slaves, my eldest was *his* mistress. He owned us, but she owned him. At a yard sale,shortly after Merlin's arrival, she found a cat bed (you know, the kind we humans buy and felines spurn). I said to her: "Honey, Merlin's never going to sleep in that, but if you want it, then you have to go bargain for it with the owner", She did, it cost her a whopping 10 cents, but Merlin slept in that bed until he grew way too fat for it. It led to a lifelong passion for cramming himself into small spaces that he barely fit in.

Merlin was an amazingly intelligent cat, although the prior anecdote may not have suggested such. We had to replace a phone at one point because he would call my girlfriend out of state and meow into her answering machine. He was probably saying "Feed the cat". He liked to do that to her. He knew she always was willing to "Feed the cat" on command. And he always wanted 'wet' food. He would get quite demanding with her. It was funny how well he could communicate with such a limited vocabulary. And she always obeyed. Another funny story, on the shoutcast radio station I listen to frequently, he loved certain dj's (Jez, Haplo) and would lie next to the speakers and purr and rub up against the computer when their shows were on. But there was one person who's name he just didn't like (sorry, CK). He seemed to know what her name meants and was quite offended at it. He would deliberately push the power button to my lap top when I tried to listen to her. We always swore that Merlin would have taken over the world if not for the lack of opposible thumbs (so important to opening the wet food, after all).

Merlin was also possessed of a sense of humor. Many of my babysitters would recall about the "dead kitty" trick. Cat taught him how to play dead so effectively and would come out crying saying her kitty was sick...they traumatized more than one sitter that way. Merlin would eventually not be able to take it and would wink at the sitter to let him/her know its was just a joke. He knew when you were doing something that a cat's input would be a moment of comic relief and would just roll over and make you take a moment of belly worship, thus also earning the nickname "Buddha belly" (He hated that nickname, lol). He had an entire repertoire of catly antics to make you laugh at the worst moments of life. He also knew when things were serious...

When things looked bleakest, he would come, purring and full of love to lick your tears away. During the most horrible times of our lives, he was a constant reminder of love and affection. He would insist on you taking a moment or two for kitty love, which he knew would make it all be just a little better for the moment. He loved us all, and loved life.

And he loved kittens. He actually let them nurse on him. I recall calling the vet's office to ask why a male neutered acat would do such a thing. The vet's office was very concerned, saying that he might hurt the kittens if they bit him or something. I just looked at 20 lbs of fat purring belly and said "I doubt it. You'd have to see what I'm looking at right now, but I am certain no kitten is safer!" And I was right. Merlin "nursed" many a kitten to adulthood. Or as we said, Merlin was out alpha mom cat. And he was a better mom than most female cats. I can honestly say that without his help, many of the kittens we rescued would not be alive today...sure we had to dropper feed them, but Merlin did the rest. He was amazingly loving and tolerant.

Especially with children and little girls. Cat actually went bike riding with him in her basket, she put him in a backpack and went rollerblading with him, he dressed in doll clothes (in drag, no less...and answered to Lydia in those moments), too so many baths that sometimes he smelled more like a strawberry than a cat, he sat at tea parties with the best of royalty.

He drank my coffee, my cranberry juice, anything we humans had was good enough for him. Last summer, he was licking blue raspberry popsicles, lol. He had a fetish for peope with long hair and would love to curl up in ours, purring and kneading it to tangles. But he was such a good cat we never minded. He earned the right to our hair as far as we were concerned.

No one could have ever had a more true and loyal friend than Merlin. This is just a small sampling of my memories of 16 long, wonderful happy years with the best friend a family could have.

I'd write more, but I'm just too choked up....

But I had to honor his death. Yesterday, like everything else he did, he met his passing with courage and dignity, only thinking of us. The vet was amazed, she had never seen the like of him. I told her he's magic and she agreed. He left us knowing he was loved, purring until the last breath. I have no idea why, but I recited Hamlet's soliloquy to him, and as I closed his dear eyes for the last time, I told him "Goodnight, sweet prince, goodnight" (don't even ask why, it just happened that way. It took two shots to put him to rest, his will to stay with us was that strong (another first for the poor vet). I know, if there is a way, he will come back to us. I hope for that day with all my heart.

So Merlin, if you can hear me where your are, I will say Au revoir and not goodbye, and I hope to see you again in a new body. I love you kitty boy, and I will never stop. Nor will your girls.

We'll all have the hair waiting for your paws.....goodnight, sweet kitty boy, goodnight.